last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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