I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
