Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
