Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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