I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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