I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize