I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called his prostate his "boner button".
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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