I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
