I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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