i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
