you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
