Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
