It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
