do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
