my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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