I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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