All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
