I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
