Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
