Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
