weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
