twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
