I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
