we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
