i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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