he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize