We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
