walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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