just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
