They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
