he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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