Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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