I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize