How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
