Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
