some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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