Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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