he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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