Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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