Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
