Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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