i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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