Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
thus making me awesome and them whores
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
