Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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