Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
