...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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