At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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