my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im holly from the hills drunk
drinking out of a sandbucket again
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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