I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize