Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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