Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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