I think my vagina is haunted
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
