party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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