Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
