My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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