I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Floor bacon is actually really good
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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