i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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