8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
