i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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