Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
