they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
we should paint friendship bongs
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
