She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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