It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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