she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
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I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
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I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...