so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.