she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
