we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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