tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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