omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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