I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
