girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize