i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
