im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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