i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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