too bad you live with your parents still
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
