I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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