remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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