I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
