Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
